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 And Life Goes ON: Daily Support
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ElaineQW

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, November 17, 2012 7:53 AM




Farla - First let me say how sorry I am that Sandy had such an effect on your family!  I can't even wrap my head around how to deal with this devastation.  I didn't even go so far as to think about doctors, pharmacies, and all the other people that make up our lives....let alone their homes and belongings!!!  

You were very kind to help them and I hope they can keep making progress toward some normalcy.  It sucks :(

I understand your knee-jerk reaction to their problems vs. your cancer experience.  I have the same reaction, but only with myself.  When life sends me a challenge, I immediately remind myself that "it's no big deal in comparison with hearing you have cancer, so get over it."  Even then, each problem is different and has it's own effect on us.

Tricia - So sorry about Bren's aunt....I hardly know what to say anymore.  

Rena - Sending good thoughts for your brother.  I'm thinking when Karen does find a job, it will be the right one and I hope it happens soon.  Please give her my regards. 

Tina -  Glad you are feeling better.  Don't overdo if possible, for a while and keep drinking!!

Thanksgiving is almost here -- I can't wait for all the food ;)  You are all on my list of what I'm grateful for...thank you for being there.  WARRIORS we are and will always be!!

Hug
Elaine


 A person's greatness is the power to stand alone;to be able to make her own choice; in action,to write anew her own law; to choose her own sacrifices; run her own dangers; win her own freedom; venture her own destruction; to choose her own happiness 
 





sharonma

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, November 17, 2012 8:43 AM
Welcome Sandi!  You are neever lonely here, Sister! 
Some of the forums are more active than others, so if you don't get a quick response, try it on another.  Someone will always be here.
 
Farla,
I'm going to disagree .  It's difficult to be judge and jury of someone else's pain.  I'm not a fan of "you have it bad, but I have it worse".  If we use that philosophy, breast cancer is at the top of the cancer survival stats, compared to pancreatic or lung. So IMHO, it's not snobbery, but to compare your personal pain and suffering to another seems kind of cold .
 
My family was devestated by a flood in 1972.  I remember the sirens and bullhorns waking us in the middle of the night with orders to evacuate, taking only our toothbrushes. For weeks my two sisters and parents were living scattered around with our friends who lived on higher ground (pre cell phones)
   I remember the look on my Mom's face when we returned to clean out a foot of mud from the second floor of our home we had lived in for only 10 months.  And I remember her tears as she tried to salvage without success, the hundreds of family momentos and photos, covered in mud.  Of course we were happy none of us was hurt.  But without flood insurance we were financially, as well as personally devestated.  PTSD?  I think we all wore it for quite a while, but especially my parents. 
  
So in answer to your question, ...Yes i think you are being a snob.  (but you did ask) .  But I respect your feelings.  Just not sure you shoud share them with your family in the misdst of their pain
((((())))))   
dx ILC/dcis excisional biopsy 5/30/08
r segmental mast (partial) snb 6/4
node neg stage1 gr ll
er+/pr- Her2 - Oncotype Dx 11
R mast 9/22/08 w DIEP
tamox,now AI 
BRCA 1 & 2 NEG
davinci hyst/bso,  
Rena

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, November 17, 2012 9:39 AM
Wow, Sharon, what an awful experience that must have been. When I said that no one who hasn't faced a cancer diagnosis understands what that's like, I meant it, of course, but it also applies to any horrific experience. No one who hasn't been forced out their home and lost so much can understand it either. Back in 1988, I joined a women's support group. I was about a year and a half out from my diagnosis. When we went around the circle to introduce ourselves, I could see the looks on the others' faces when I said that I had had breast cancer and had just had reconstruction surgery the week before. Sure enough, as we continued around the circle, the other women started saying things like, "My problems are no big deal compared to cancer." Jenny, the wonderful mother earth of a facilitator (who I credit, in part, with saving my life), immediately nipped that in the bud. She told us that it did no good to compare our problems to others' and that if we did that, we wouldn't really deal with our issues the way they needed to be dealt with. I met women in that group who had problems that I didn't have, thank goodness. Yes, I had the spectre of cancer over my head, but I went home to my nice home, my wonderful husband, my sweet baby girl, and my loyal kitty Max. I had a damn good life. Some of them had financial problems, horrible marriages, and the like. I guess the bottom line for me is that we should stop comparing, unless it's just to tell ourselves, like Elaine does, how blessed we are. 

Farla, I promise you that the farther out from diagnosis you get, the easier it will become not to cast things in the context of cancer. I remember that the first three years were really horrendous for me. All I ever thought about was cancer--woke up to it, feared it all day long, and went to bed with it, only to start the process again the next day. I have no specific recollections, but I have a general sense of feeling that no one's problems could be as bad as mine. After all, here I was--37 years old, with a two-year-old child, and in a "poor prognostic group," according to my oncologist. What could be worse than that? Plenty, but I was not in a place where I could see that. I felt that I was holding on to dear life by my fingertips. As I mentioned, what saved me, besides modern medicine and just good luck, I suppose, was Jenny and her support group. It let me vent the fear and not pretend that I always had to be strong, and it gave me perspective about my disease and about my life. It took many years after that before the fear truly began to dissipate, but that group was the turning point. I hope that you have a person or a group that you can vent your fears to, Farla. It helps so much.
Rena age 66 California Central Coast
29-year survivor
BRCA2-positive
Dx 1986 IDC ER/PR negative 22 positive lymph nodes
CMFVP chemo weekly for one year, 7 weeks radiation
October 2007: New chassis and spark plugs!
farla

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Monday, November 19, 2012 7:50 AM
Well, I though I could vent here!  And no, I never said anything to my family except that they should be thankful that no one got hurt (except one dog) and that they only lost things.  This is an internal struggle I was having. The postman, who everyone knew (it really is a small town in a lot of ways) drowned in his basement.  They pulled a body out of the sand a few days ago.

Maybe my perspective has changed - life is more important than just things.  And I am not sure if I want that to change with time.
Farla
dx 8/09, R double lumpectomy, invasive mixed DCIS/LCIS
ER + PR + Her -
1/3 Sentinel pos. 1/15 nodes pos
 Stage 2A  Grade 2, Nottingham 6
chemo A/C x4, Taxol x 4 started 9/21/09 DONE!!!
femara  started 2/5/10
rads  2/8/10 DONE!!!
Now - osteoporosis?  Vit D, calcium, and a baby aspirin to boot!
Rena

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Monday, November 19, 2012 8:34 AM
Farla, of course you can vent, but you have to be prepared for others to react and have their own venting sessions. I apologize if I misread you, though. I didn't mean to suggest that you try to change the new perspective you've gained on life. 
Rena age 66 California Central Coast
29-year survivor
BRCA2-positive
Dx 1986 IDC ER/PR negative 22 positive lymph nodes
CMFVP chemo weekly for one year, 7 weeks radiation
October 2007: New chassis and spark plugs!
sharonma

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, November 20, 2012 8:29 PM
Well, you can vent here.    It seemed that you were asking a question, and I gave an honest answer.   And truth be told, I am really shocked at your lack of empathy.  

  " They are displaced, homeless, and all their records are gone.  Their doctors, lawyers, accountants, vets, and pharmacists lost all their records, and the computers got fried. They lost many things and are shell-shocked.

But.... they lost things.  Things can be replaced. Somehow I think I feel less sympathetic than I should. I tried a few times to remind them that no one got hurt, that they can rebuild (oh - why get flood insurance? Fema (aka us) will rebuild for you!), but it didn't go over well. I feel guilty, and relieved that they have moved out. My sister has rented an apartment - the pit bull had gone after too many people and dogs, and my parents (finally!!!) came home from their vacation and they will take my uncle.

I mean, am I a snob?  "Oh, you didn't go through CANCER so whatever your loss is, it is not important"  No, I didn't say that, I know their losses are great, but they lost things, not the security of knowing you will be here next year."
 
None of us know if we will be here next year....cancer or hurricanes aside.  
dx ILC/dcis excisional biopsy 5/30/08
r segmental mast (partial) snb 6/4
node neg stage1 gr ll
er+/pr- Her2 - Oncotype Dx 11
R mast 9/22/08 w DIEP
tamox,now AI 
BRCA 1 & 2 NEG
davinci hyst/bso,  
annette53160

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Thursday, November 22, 2012 9:01 AM
Farla I totally understand.  I survived the storm and went 12 days without power.  I feel like I have PTSD from this storm. A few friends still are not back in their homes.  I almost feel guilty enjoying Thanksgiving today.  People react strangely in times of stress.  I agree that having cancer was MUCH worse than this storm.  Cancer stole my peace of mind and can't be replaced.  I would just be supportive to family and friends who lost material items.  They are clueless what a cancer diagnosis brings with it.  Vent away girl!  Most things seem  simple when compared to cancer. You were an angel to your family and pets during this difficult time.   Enjoy Thanksgiving!  This too shall pass......
<message edited by annette53160 on Thursday, November 22, 2012 9:09 AM>
IDC October 2009
Lumpectomy x2 to get clear margins
Stage 2a Grade 3
1/11 nodes positive 
er+
4 DD A/C
12 Taxol
Radiation
Femara
Pat Patterson

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Wednesday, December 05, 2012 12:28 PM
I am just getting around to reading all of this as I was on the road to KY on TUesday the 20th and it has been crazy for me since I got home.  When I first moved to Ohio, a very long time ago, I was 26 years old and had a two year old, Erin.  I was pregnant with Rob during the great blizzard of 1978 and my husband was out of town.  I had never been more that a few miles from my home town and my family in my entire life.  My nieghbor across the street was about my age, married, but one of those women who can do anything and are super confident and no challenge is too big for her.  But she was always late....drove me crazy and I used to complain to my sister.  After Rob was born I would get up early, get myself and two kids fed, bathed and ready for the day and we would sit in the car waiting for her for what seemed like forever.  My sister said, her problems and issues are jsut as improtant to her as yours are to you!  I have never forgotten that, and my point is, they may be "things" to you, but they might mean something totally different to someone else.  Photo albums, jewelry that belonged to your grandmother, some keepsake that you got on your honeymoon, these are all treasures and have value.  Are they as important as facing cancer?  Of course not, but until you HAVE, until you have been in OUR shoes, no one can understand that either.  It's all a matter of perspective... we should ALL be able to say anything here. 
DX 5/13/08 Clearwater, FL HER2 +
IDC Stage IIIA changed 12/2/08 to IIB Grade 3
Taxotere, Carbo & Herceptin  6/11/08
Part Mas 11/5/08 SNB neg & addl node neg - CLEAN MARGINS!
Arimidex 11/25/08  35 Rads 12/15/08
mary l

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Wednesday, December 05, 2012 3:05 PM
Hi Sandi, I am so happy that you found this wonderful site.  All of us have been through breast cancer and I know it is not fun but we are all still here and doing well.  I am sorry you are so isolated.  I really think you would enjoy joining a breast cancer support group.  I made so many friends and it really helps to talk about your feelings with others who are going through this and others who made it through and can give you the support you need.  Tricia will help you with this site.  It really is easy once you know how to use it.  I sincerely hope that you will stop by often.....we don't have to talk about cancer, we talk about a lot of fun things too.  I look forward to seeing you on line often.  I am a 9 year survivor and I love to help others who have just been diagnosed.   Mary
<message edited by mary l on Wednesday, December 05, 2012 3:06 PM>
Diag. Oct 2003 with 6mm mass, IDC grade III ductal carcinoma in-situ, Inflammatory Breast Cancer stage IIIB, Her2+++.   I had A/C followed by Taxotere (only had 2tx as I had heart problems from it); Left Mastectomy followed by 35 rads.  Recurence in 9 months as skin mets to mast. site. tx Carboplatin/Herceptin,  stayed on Herceptin every other week for almost 4 years only stopping when my ejection fraction would get too low. off herceptin & ned 3 years in 2010
mary l

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Wednesday, December 05, 2012 3:15 PM
Hi Pat, my dear friend.  I agree with your post.  Until you have been through what these amazing people have been through, losing your home, your car, no electricity and food etc.  It is so horrible and I can't believe so many are still suffering so much.  I pray for these innocent people every day.  It seems that our country likes to help with the disasters all over the world but it is not doing much for all of these homeless families.
 
How are you doing Pat?  I think of you so often and I want to call you but I don't like to call you at work.  Maybe I will try to call you tonight.  I miss my friend!   Sending you a big ((((HUG)))) from Mary & Snowball 
 
 
Diag. Oct 2003 with 6mm mass, IDC grade III ductal carcinoma in-situ, Inflammatory Breast Cancer stage IIIB, Her2+++.   I had A/C followed by Taxotere (only had 2tx as I had heart problems from it); Left Mastectomy followed by 35 rads.  Recurence in 9 months as skin mets to mast. site. tx Carboplatin/Herceptin,  stayed on Herceptin every other week for almost 4 years only stopping when my ejection fraction would get too low. off herceptin & ned 3 years in 2010
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