Visit Komen.org
Lower Your Risk
Prev Thread Prev Thread   Next Thread Next Thread
 And Life Goes ON: Daily Support
Change Page: << < ..11121314151617181920.. > | Showing page 20 of 27, messages 191 to 200 of 267
Author Message
DJ64

  • Total Posts : 482
  • Reward points : 7635
  • Joined: 8/17/2009
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Friday, March 15, 2013 3:07 PM
Why not ask your nephew if there is a possibility to take Perjeta?  Isn't that the newest one when Herceptin fails?

It's a crap shoot.  

DJ
"Prepared for the worst, hope for the best and, live each day to the hilt"


Stage IV  lungs, lining, ribs, left scapula and left clavicle - Used all the hormonal drugs - tamoxifen, arimidex,  , Faslodex 250 mg,  femara, , drug break using own estrogen (progression in 7 months), rebooted femara (progression on next scan) Faslodex 500 mg ended 18 1/2 years on hormonal therapies - 2013,  Taxol - 2014 now on Doxil. 
Tricia Keegan

  • Total Posts : 19215
  • Reward points : 13515
  • Joined: 1/1/2005
  • Location: Ireland
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Friday, March 15, 2013 8:23 PM
Yes it is DJ but she's decided not to try anything else, I don't know why but she's given up already and lives in the U.K so I don't see her too often or I would encourage her to try other drugs but the family feel they must respect her wishes.:(
Tricia Keegan...From Ireland Dx July '05 IDC 3/9 nodes pos..triple positive..a/c x 4..Taxol/herceptin x 12
Herceptin 1yr ..rads x35 oophorectomy Aug '06
Currently taking Arimidex /Zometa 1 x yearly
Carepage- survivortricia
Ruthie1956

  • Total Posts : 255
  • Reward points : 6765
  • Joined: 11/20/2008
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 26, 2013 12:55 PM
Hi all, just returning after several years away.  I have good news in that with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC)  I am relieved and lucky to be still NED after 6 yrs post treatment.  In that time I was here posting about support of loved ones was important and that people finding support where they can in order to survive the ravages of this so called Journey.

I had often said that my husband was my rock that I could lean on him for support.  I am just now coming to realize that now that I am coming out of my bunker as it were and coming alive again, I find that my husband refuses to do this and has actually rarely been there for me.(after I went to see a therapist ).  

Outwardly he would have this facade of being the supportive hubby, but inwardly he ran from it all.  We never really discussed the elephant in the room of IBC, (scares the heck out of me I know it does him), and instead he insulated himself by moving out of our room, listening to music and records and lately, in the last few years increasing his drinking and began to smoke again.  What is also alarming me is that he has racked up such a debt with stereophile equipment, he CANNOT afford retire, probably for the near future.  

Thru therapy I am coming to grips with the fact that in all my treatment, he came to maybe 2 drs appointments, and only once to have chemo.  The rest I did myself, because he couldn't bear to come.  I did have my sister and then my mom there initially through A/C, but Taxol I did myself, as well as rads.  Surgery he was there but not there if you know what I mean.  He is afraid, and so walls himself away from the hurt and fear.  

I have been crying my eyes out, at the therapists office, at home (not where he can see) and finally sat him down to talk.  (Cried thru that too) but I got my feelings out.  My therapist told me that he is insulating himself against the day that I am gone.  So I told him that I don't intend to leave the planet anytime soon.  That we need to talk and support each other and share the burdens as well as the joys.  We will be married 25 yrs today.  There is so much more yet to live for.  Too much left to do, instead of sitting in a basement, listening to records, drinking beer.

I'm glad I went to therapy, because I was going to explode if I didn't.  Our kids are grown, and I was looking forward to having this wonderful time again with my best friend...except while I was otherwise occupied with cancer and then diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, he turned into this hermit.  I'm hoping to work this through because I'm in this for better or worse.  But its already wearing me down!

Just thought I'd put it out there again that therapy helps you see things from a new perspective, and helps you to change the broken records playing in your heads.  It helps you see and hopefully deal with the realities of your situation and rediscover you are still you! Hugs!  Glad to be back here!

<message edited by Ruthie1956 on Tuesday, March 26, 2013 12:57 PM>
Diag. 7/06 2 lumpectomies, no clear margins
Inflammatory BC, DCIS and IDC
Chemo Aug 06-Dec 06
bilat mast 1/07
Radiation 2/07-4/07
Tried all AIs (ER/PR +, Her2 -) 
NED thus far, have RA now

Cancer is like quicksand, the more you struggle alone, the deeper you sink; but if you relax, spread yourself out and reach for help you are rescued! (rufus mcaine)
Mark

  • Total Posts : 1
  • Reward points : 6385
  • Joined: 10/13/2009
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Friday, March 29, 2013 3:26 PM
Test
Tricia Keegan

  • Total Posts : 19215
  • Reward points : 13515
  • Joined: 1/1/2005
  • Location: Ireland
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Friday, March 29, 2013 6:40 PM
Ruthie firstly I'm sorry I'm only seeing your post now and not sure why, its great to see you back but I'm very sorry to read the trials you're facing. I've come to realize we face many issue's in our personal lives after a bc dx which of course is very unfair, but bad things really do happen to nice people and you're a strong woman and will get through this. I think its beneficial to us all in knowing we got through this and it gives us strength to fight our own problems which I know you will but I'm sorry to know you face all this but glad the time in therapy has helped you so much. I'm glad you posted and feel sure this will help others too, sadly a cancer dx effects the whole family as you have seen with your hubby and perhaps he may agree to therapy too???
Tricia Keegan...From Ireland Dx July '05 IDC 3/9 nodes pos..triple positive..a/c x 4..Taxol/herceptin x 12
Herceptin 1yr ..rads x35 oophorectomy Aug '06
Currently taking Arimidex /Zometa 1 x yearly
Carepage- survivortricia
DeniseinMI

  • Total Posts : 92
  • Reward points : 5045
  • Joined: 6/25/2007
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Friday, March 29, 2013 8:27 PM
Ruthie, my friend and roomie, wow, so sorry to hear about your struggles with your husband.  Glad that you are doing something and seeing a therapist for starters.  I hope the talk you had can, at least, start to get things out in the open and help heal you both.  I love ya and wish you all the best.  <3 Denise
Mid Michigan

DCIS low grade-negative lymph nodes
R Mast 3-15-06
Expander exchange to silicone 8-24-06
L breast uplift/reduction 11-21-06
No chemo, no rads, no meds whatsoever! 
Skye

  • Total Posts : 859
  • Reward points : 11060
  • Joined: 1/1/2005
  • Location: Michigan
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, April 06, 2013 12:39 AM
I am also just now seeing your post, Ruth.  I am sorry to hear of your marital struggles, and I hope you know you are not alone.  My marriage is not a happy one, and since cancer, it has become more like two roommates sharing a house.  We raise our son together, but my husband seldom has much to say to me that isn't critical.  He has his own issues with pain due to herniated discs in his back and has no sympathy for any pain I'm in. He hates my appearance and recently told me that I was fooling myself if I thought any man would ever love me if I left him--my weight gain is a big issue.  I'd tried to share my feelings with him, telling him I deserved to be treated with love and kindness, and he said no man would ever find me attractive.  I feel very alone, and spend most of my time with my son and we usually go places away from home.  We tried therapy a few years ago, and my husband walked out.   There is a lot I can't post here, but I do want you to know you are not alone.  I wish I had a solution, and I do hope you find a way to salvage your marriage.  If you ever just need to talk to someone who understands, I'm here.  

 
<message edited by Skye on Saturday, April 06, 2013 12:56 AM>
 Mid-Michigan; Diagnosed by first mammogram Aug 2006 at age 41; Bilateral Mastectomy 9-27-06; IDC, Stage II, Grade III; Numerous areas of DCIS; lymph Nodes negative; Chemo: (CAF) 11/06-2/07; Arimidex and Lupron, 2007-2012. 
Pat Patterson

  • Total Posts : 3693
  • Reward points : 8085
  • Joined: 5/24/2008
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, April 06, 2013 6:19 AM
Reading these posts I feel so strongly that therapy must be part of our treatments.  We all have demons. Would they be there without BC?  We have no way of knowing that.  Is our diagnosis simply a catalyst for what would have been anyway?  I often wonder that.  Ruthie, reading your post makes me cry as I have often thought of you and wondered how you were doing.  Now I know...and Skye, I am angry that your husband would say those things to you!  But I am angry all the time anyway, at my husband, my kids, my extended family...I read once that depression is anger turned inwards so perhaps I am most angry at myself.  I will be 62 this year and I am in a job I hate, which I cannot leave because it is our business and I could never do that to my husband.  My kids are, for the most part, a mess, not one of them "settled" or content with life.  And, cancer, lurking always in the background, waiting to strike at any moment, I guess I am most angry aout that!  I found out that my SIL has a lump, and called my surgeon to make an appt.  She never called and told me, or asked me to go with her to her mammo, nada, I found out after the fact.  The radiologist spoke to her, says it is too small to biospy and doesn't believe that its anything but a cyst but come back in 6 months.  I am not sure he really said that because she went alone and we all know how that goes...anyway, she is keeping her appt wth the surgeon.  When she finally called me I said that was a very good idea.  At least she will be in the system if, God forbid, she would need him.  So my DEAR MIL says she wants a diagnostic mammo and thinks it stinks that she has to go to the "regular" place all the other women go and can't go to the breast center.  She actually talked her primary into giving her that script but the breast center wouldnt do it!  They told her they were very sorry but if she had no issued there was no reason for her to be there.  She said her sister had BC (forty years ago!) but she herself has never had a SINGLE abnormal mammo!  I reminded her WHY we were all in the breast center and she told me that she understood but that she wanted that treatment as well and she really felt gypped!  I finally said, "OK, I will trade places with you, YOU can have cancer and I will feel gypped...how's that?"  And I walked away, before I slapped her, I was so pissed! 
OK, I am sorry, I didn't really mean to write all that, normally I just walk around this time of the morning trying to decide what to do with myself....I should get dressed and walk out to the beach and thak God I am alive...I know that.  We are lucky to have each other.  I know a therapist who conducts phone sessions....would something like that work for us all together?
DX 5/13/08 Clearwater, FL HER2 +
IDC Stage IIIA changed 12/2/08 to IIB Grade 3
Taxotere, Carbo & Herceptin  6/11/08
Part Mas 11/5/08 SNB neg & addl node neg - CLEAN MARGINS!
Arimidex 11/25/08  35 Rads 12/15/08
ElaineQW

  • Total Posts : 4705
  • Reward points : 10730
  • Joined: 4/1/2008
  • Location: San Diego, CA
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:22 AM




Oh my gosh, I'm so sad to read your posts.  I have a lot to say about how I would handle (and have handled) unhappy relationships, but that is me, so I won't go there.  I think that bc can blow the lid off of the stuff we've been 'putting up with'.  So we not only fight the beast, but then have to confront the beasts we've been putting in the box, so to speak.  


There is nothing more difficult than to live our own truth.  I hope you all can find the strength to make changes that will bring you some joy, no matter how difficult.  Remember, you are WARRIORS!  


I wish you all the love and respect you deserve.


Hug,
Elaine
 A person's greatness is the power to stand alone;to be able to make her own choice; in action,to write anew her own law; to choose her own sacrifices; run her own dangers; win her own freedom; venture her own destruction; to choose her own happiness 
 





Ruthie1956

  • Total Posts : 255
  • Reward points : 6765
  • Joined: 11/20/2008
  • Status: offline
Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, April 06, 2013 1:20 PM
I have been going to this therapist for awhile now.  The funny thing is, my husband is a psychologist, so he should know better, but its like he's thinking he can handle it himself and won't go talk to anyone.  I had a hard enough time getting him to go to the doctor for a checkup let alone get some therapy.  He says he talks to his co-workers (who incidently have never gone through this at all) and is fine with that.  And in the meantime when the stress gets too much, he self-medicates with alcohol and the smoking.  He's lost a LOT of weight, (which also gets me because I can't seem to) and thinks that what we have now is just fine.  I don't like being just a room mate, but he was never a huggy kind of guy.


Pat obviously your mominlaw really doesn't get it about what its like to have cancer.  I think your reaction was right on!  I wish I could think of this type of response when confronted with a situation like that.


Skye, you are a beautiful, wonderful person.  Your husband sounds like he is projecting how he feels about himself, but takes it out on you instead.  You are a great teacher, a fantastic Mom, and eminently lovable to anyone who gets to know you!  Don't let him dictate the thoughts of yourself in your head.  He is wrong!  Even if he won't go, you go, and at least get all those thoughts and feelings on the table where you can deal with them.  I am doing a lot better than I was, but I've a bit of a way to go yet.  We still don't talk about the elephant in the room, but he's drinking less now and that's a start.


Hugs to all of you ladies.  I didn't realize how much I still need to hear all your words of wisdom!   Pat I think it would be a great idea if everyone was just enrolled in a support group when starting treatment, and assigned a therapist from the get go.  One was offered to me, but I didn't think I needed him, and besides I didn't want to see someone I worked in the same hospital with.  I started my own support group in our little town and area because everything was very far away, about 30-60 mins away.  We have dinner together every month and are a group of 6-8 people. We just sit and talk about what we're doing, what treatments we're getting or whats new.  I am now going to recommend that anyone going through this get some therapy along the way to keep them in a strong frame of mind during this stupid cancer journey!  Love you all and thanks.  I'll update as things come along!




Diag. 7/06 2 lumpectomies, no clear margins
Inflammatory BC, DCIS and IDC
Chemo Aug 06-Dec 06
bilat mast 1/07
Radiation 2/07-4/07
Tried all AIs (ER/PR +, Her2 -) 
NED thus far, have RA now

Cancer is like quicksand, the more you struggle alone, the deeper you sink; but if you relax, spread yourself out and reach for help you are rescued! (rufus mcaine)
Change Page: << < ..11121314151617181920.. > | Showing page 20 of 27, messages 191 to 200 of 267

Jump to:

Icon Legend and Permission
  • New Messages
  • No New Messages
  • Hot Topic w/ New Messages
  • Hot Topic w/o New Messages
  • Locked w/ New Messages
  • Locked w/o New Messages
  • Read Message
  • Post New Thread
  • Reply to message
  • Post New Poll
  • Submit Vote
  • Post reward post
  • Delete my own posts
  • Delete my own threads
  • Rate post

© 2000-2008 ASPPlayground.NET Forum Version 3.1.5