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 And Life Goes ON: Daily Support
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Ilene

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Sunday, April 14, 2013 10:07 AM
Elaine said it so well, I have no words.  I know what it is like to lose a child, though. My stepson was taken from us in a blink of an eye almost 13 years ago, just before his 18th birthday and high school graduation. Although he didn't live with us, he was still a huge part of our lives and our family. I will tell you, it DOES get better.  Sure, there are times we see or hear or do something that we know he would have loved, or that remind us of him, but the pain has subsided a lot, and all that remains are the good memories and funny stories.  They are never gone from our lives as long as they have a place in our hearts.

As for the 'new normal,' I agree with Elaine .... what the heck is 'normal?'  I didn't have a 'normal' life before BC!
Ilene
Cali
Diag 1/2006, DCIS-left, IDC-right, ER+/PR+, Node Neg, Stage 1
Bilat Mast 2/2006
6 Rnds Chemo (FAC)
Right then Left exp infect/removed
Right lat dorsi 10/2006
Left lat dorsi 1/2007
EXCHANGE 4/23/2007!
On Tamoxifen since 2007 (on 10-yr cycle)
Willow8510

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Sunday, April 14, 2013 12:24 PM
I have not posted for a long time, and I feel the need to add my thoughts. When I was diagnosed in 2008, I did not respond like others, because I had lost my beautiful six year old son in a horrific car accident in 1986. There were several thought forms. The pain that I felt(and still feel) from my missing my little boy diminished my own diagnosis. It made every part of my chemo/radiation a lot easier. I remember my psychiatrist telling me that everyone has their own pinnacle of pain. Some people feel that losing their jobs is the ultimate. For some, it is losing a parent or a divorce. Yes, being diagnosed made the whole chemo/mastectomy/rads/made my pain easier. I kept thinking about what my child had gone through (death), and this stupid(breast cancer) went into the background. I do not wish to diminish anyone's angst or pain, but we all can get through this, and if we live long enough, will experience the entire gamut of life's unfortunate valleys. I take every moment of my day as an experience, and not accept, but acknowledge what my life has been. By the way, I did not have early breast cancer. But I am still here for as long as I am able.
diagnosed 8/6/08
IDC/Stage IIA/3.5 cm tumor
ER+/PR+/HER2-
RB Mastectomy 9/3/08
SN initially clear, later 2 micromets
10 Axillary LN taken 9/22/08 (all clear)
No reconstruction
4 AC/12 Taxol Completed
Avastin trial (unblinded on 2/25/09 was Arm B)
30 Rads April '09
Femara/5 years
3  Year Bone Trial with Zometa (iv)
Tricia Keegan

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Sunday, April 14, 2013 4:27 PM
Willow and Anna Rae, there really are no words and although I too have lost a daughter she was only a few weeks old so my loss was not as deep as you two ladies. I think the saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger is true, I'm not sure there is a new normal and I long for times past at certain times but what we go through is what shapes us as people and each of us somehow must find a way to get through our own pain. I do feel for both you ladies so very much and I love Elaine's words and would echo them.xx.....Ilene I'm so sorry for your loss also.:(
Tricia Keegan...From Ireland Dx July '05 IDC 3/9 nodes pos..triple positive..a/c x 4..Taxol/herceptin x 12
Herceptin 1yr ..rads x35 oophorectomy Aug '06
Currently taking Arimidex /Zometa 1 x yearly
Carepage- survivortricia
Anna Rae

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Sunday, April 14, 2013 6:17 PM
Once again, you are here for me. Tricia did I know that you lost your daughter? I am sorry that I have forgotten. Willow, I know what you mean, chemo/radiation/mastectomy were easy compared to this. Ilene, Willow and Tricia, we are bound together in grief as in recovery.

I'm not sure that with the passing of time that my grief will get easier. Today it has not been easy at all. Most days I'm OK, I have not been "on Top of the World" for 3 years. Every month, week, day is different. I never know what to expect. Not always bad, yesterday was good.

Y'all know how I love to garden, right? I have not set one foot in my garden, Joanna's Garden this year. Not like "Me" at all.

Everything that everyone of you wrote I read twice. and I thank you for taking time for me. I also hope that the comments were helpful for others. I believe that when we help others, we help ourselves.

I love you, I really, really do,
Anna Rae
Like Jerry said, What a long, strange trip it's been... 

DCIS Stage 0, Right Side Unilateral Mastectomy -  May 14, 2010
HER2+ BC Stage 3C, Right Side Lymph Nodes - 6 Months Later
End of Tx, June 8, 2012
NED - July 5, 2012

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/annaraebamberggilder

Anna Rae
sharonma

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Monday, April 15, 2013 8:14 AM
Anna, Willow, Tricia, Ilene,

I dont know the right  words could ever come from my mouth or "fingers" that could ease the pain that must come with losing a beloved child.  

Anna,
I remember that you wrote about Joanna's garden, and it thought it was a lovely way to remember her,..flowers blooming every spring.
dx ILC/dcis excisional biopsy 5/30/08
r segmental mast (partial) snb 6/4
node neg stage1 gr ll
er+/pr- Her2 - Oncotype Dx 11
R mast 9/22/08 w DIEP
tamox,now AI 
BRCA 1 & 2 NEG
davinci hyst/bso,  
annette53160

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Monday, April 15, 2013 10:28 AM
The loss if a child has got to be the most difficult loss to endure.  You ladies are all in my thoughts and prayers.  I guess I just can't figure out why there is so much pain and suffering in this world.....especially if a loving GOD does exist.  I believe he does exist but I guess it is a question without an answer.....at least for now.
IDC October 2009
Lumpectomy x2 to get clear margins
Stage 2a Grade 3
1/11 nodes positive 
er+
4 DD A/C
12 Taxol
Radiation
Femara
Ilene

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, April 20, 2013 9:38 AM
Annette, I read in a book once (I think it was 'Conversations with God') that if you don't have to face challenges and pain, then the joy of life is overlooked.  I truly believe everything happens for a reason, but, sometimes, we won't get a clear message as to what that reason is/was.  For me, BC led me to more life-long pink-sister friendships and bonds than I ever have had in my life.  The loss of my youngest stepson brought my husband and I closer to our eldest stepson - we (my husband and I as well as our eldest stepson, Ryan) all have learned how valuable our love and relationships with eachother are and no longer take it for granted.

Anna Rae .... put on your grubbys and get yourself out into that garden TODAY ... no excuses, even if it's raining (don't go out if there is lightening, though!). Even if you plant one pretty flowering plant or one packet of seeds, that's fine.  I don't care if you don't feel like it .... fake it til you make it!  I expect to see photos of your new garden soon!  Your garden has been your sanctuary - get in there!
Ilene
Cali
Diag 1/2006, DCIS-left, IDC-right, ER+/PR+, Node Neg, Stage 1
Bilat Mast 2/2006
6 Rnds Chemo (FAC)
Right then Left exp infect/removed
Right lat dorsi 10/2006
Left lat dorsi 1/2007
EXCHANGE 4/23/2007!
On Tamoxifen since 2007 (on 10-yr cycle)
Pat Patterson

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Saturday, April 20, 2013 11:53 AM
I don't even know what to say....just know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers always.  We all carry each other's pain and suffering, and I hope that helps a little to know your burden is shared. 
DX 5/13/08 Clearwater, FL HER2 +
IDC Stage IIIA changed 12/2/08 to IIB Grade 3
Taxotere, Carbo & Herceptin  6/11/08
Part Mas 11/5/08 SNB neg & addl node neg - CLEAN MARGINS!
Arimidex 11/25/08  35 Rads 12/15/08
ElaineQW

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, May 14, 2013 1:16 PM
Not to add to this sad subject, but I will anyway because it's an example of how it never really goes away.

I lost a child in my six month of pregnancy....I went into labor and delivered a baby boy.  That was in 1967!  In 2002, I was taking a Shakespeare acting class and after I did a monologue, the teacher asked me to 'tweek' it a bit.  In order to bring out more 'grief' he handed me a cloth dinner napkin shaped like a swaddle and said "make believe this is your dead baby in your arms" and do the monologue again.  I thought nothing of it, until I actually looked down at the napkin I was holding and immediately and without notice, started to bawl uncontrollably.  My classmates just stared at me in horror...when I calmed down I explained about the loss of my baby 35 years ago!  What happened next will stay with me for the rest of my life.....they ALL got up from their chairs at the same time and surrounded me, putting their arms around me in a group hug and held on to me very tightly.  

Hug
Elaine



 A person's greatness is the power to stand alone;to be able to make her own choice; in action,to write anew her own law; to choose her own sacrifices; run her own dangers; win her own freedom; venture her own destruction; to choose her own happiness 
 





DJ64

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, May 14, 2013 5:20 PM
What a lovely story.  

I do think that teacher should never had said what he did.  One doesn't know what tragedies are in someone's background.

Better he had given you a napkins rubbed with a raw onion to help with the tears.

Best,

DJ
"Prepared for the worst, hope for the best and, live each day to the hilt"


Stage IV  lungs, lining, ribs, left scapula and left clavicle - Used all the hormonal drugs - tamoxifen, arimidex,  , Faslodex 250 mg,  femara, , drug break using own estrogen (progression in 7 months), rebooted femara (progression on next scan) Faslodex 500 mg ended 18 1/2 years on hormonal therapies - 2013,  Taxol - 2014 now on Doxil. 
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