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 And Life Goes ON: Daily Support
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Rose Cafe523

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And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Monday, March 26, 2012 9:55 PM
Have  you ever wanted to just  talk to someone post BC and during BC, just  put it out there some of your feelings, life things happening.?  I feel we make friends here and sometimes just need to talk.  It might be about cancer but it more than likely is just about life.  Cancer changes many of us on how we look at life, but more than that, that we need support and friendships. 
   I have good and bad days and sometimes have no one to talk to .  I consider many here as friends that understand .  My lesson here came from the original girls from Sunbearz thread.  They talked about fears and they talked about vacations and making pies, about things happening around them that gave them  joy but also their  lives in general.  We have a few threads here that are about this but they are a little more specific.  I thing the Daily Diary of Joy is a fantastic thread that focuses on the positives of what is going on.  The Waiting room is  about waiting for tests etc and many post about their lives.  But I feel those WAITING need that space with their fears also. 
   This thread may go nowhere, but just thought I would give it a try.  So post if you want.  What is happening in your life??  Good, bad, sad, whatever you need it to be.
Rose
 Pink Impacts Forever
5-23-06 DCIS High Grade
Strong family history BC/OVCA
denied(lost appeals)out of network surgery
10-30-06 BM SICA left,DIEP right
Nodes Neg No chemo or rads 
Revisions along with LAVH/BSO/TVT 1-23-08
Biopsies x 3 10/20/08,neg
Bone scan 2/23/11 spot on R frontal and occiptal bone
PET/CT scan 3/4/11 negative
bezerk

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Monday, March 26, 2012 11:06 PM
I like the idea Rose....I am battling with body image issues and having a real hard time of it....I sometimes wonder if I ever will be truly happy with myself ever again....I really liked myself before, now scars everywhere, bilateral mastectomy reconstructed but still not the same, keep gaining weight from Tamoxifen and steroids they use with my Zometa, limp from breaking hips, so many other things..it is all just so much....I was doing better I thought when I was fighting now as life goes on t seems harder t be happy...glad I got that said out loud!!!
50 yrs, Rt breast lump found 4/12/09 during shower. 5/7/09 Organs, bones & head clean. 5/8/09Bilateral Mastectomy/ skin sparing surgery, implantation of skin expanders, removal 3 lymph nodes,one pos., tumors 1.5 cms x 0.8 cms & 0.8 cms x 1 cm, one tumor surprise, hidden. DX:Mixed Lobular and ductal adenoca. rt breast with badly defined borders.
Est. Pos. nuc. ( +/+++) Prog pos. nuc. intense ( +++/+++) Her2- non-amplified, KI-67 pos. less than 30%
scootersmom

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 5:10 AM
Rose:

The thread is a nice idea.  Some days I feel as though I am on a tightrope trying to balance between who/what I used to be and who I should/could be.  During all of this, I never once asked why did this happen to me?  Why did I get breast cancer? I did however ask myself why did I get so many surgeries?  Why did I have the infection?  Why does it seem like I wasn't supposed to get reconstruction? Is there a message I am missing?  Some days I don't feel like a survivor because my type wasn't as severe as others and I didn't have to go through all the treatments that others have and then I look in the mirror and see the battle scars and know that I've got them for a reason.  To survive.

I also struggle with the self image part of this. I had issues before due to my weight.  This just added a new kick to the whole thing.  I've found a new person living inside of me.  One that is still overweight and that now troubles me more than it used to.  My boobs were always larger than my stomach and now it is the other way around.  So yes I get a little depressed about it but I am working on it.  I've become a little less tolerant of people than I used to.  I have my sister stressing me out now as each time she sees me she appoints herself as the "health expert".  She lost weight after I got diagnosed and I am happy for her.  The constant nagging upsets me to the point that I am ready to blow.  I've lost two breasts, twenty five pounds, been in surgery 6 times already, jabbed with needles to fill up my expanders every 10 days until the implants went in.  What else does everyone want from me??? And people wonder why my "sunny disposition" is sometimes cloudy!

I think now that I am hitting all the one year marks, I am having a little more trouble with everything.  That is one of the reasons that I sought out a support group.  Maybe this will help me understand and get through this.  If not, it'll will be like everything else that I've accomplished in life.  I'll figure it out on my own in time.

Thank you for letting me vent!  Have a wonderful day.  


<message edited by scootersmom on Tuesday, March 27, 2012 5:15 AM>
Tina    
dx 2/1/11 DCIS
Lumpectomy 2/27 results DCIS/LCIS Stage 0 ER+ PR+
Bi-lateral Mastectomy 4/26 with expanders 
6/3 Surgery to remove contaminated expander due to infection.
7/22/11 Surgery to reinsert the expander. 
10/11/2011 Surgery to replace tissue expanders with implants.
 
 



Pat Patterson

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 5:44 AM
Rose, this is exacty what I was talking about...to me it feels kind of what I imagine to be PTSD.  My friend's husband is a substance abuse therapist and he wants to work with returning vets.   I was talking to him about some kind of group like that for cancer survivors, just this weekend.  I ask myelf, what is WRONG with me, I should be thanking God every day, FOR every day, and yet...most mornings I just feel like pulling the covers over my head.  I describe myself as mostly gloomy with occasional periods of happiness...pathetic, huh?
DX 5/13/08 Clearwater, FL HER2 +
IDC Stage IIIA changed 12/2/08 to IIB Grade 3
Taxotere, Carbo & Herceptin  6/11/08
Part Mas 11/5/08 SNB neg & addl node neg - CLEAN MARGINS!
Arimidex 11/25/08  35 Rads 12/15/08
ElaineQW

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 7:09 AM
Hi ladies,

I know one size doesn't fit all and I can only speak for myself.  I've learned to 'compartmentalize' my problems when I'm feeling overwhelmed.  For instance, if I'm feeling 'fat', then I think about having had bc, then I think about my finances, then I think about aging, then I think about being without a partner in life, then I think about what if 'it' comes back, etc. etc.  All of a sudden everything looks pretty bleak!!  So I look at one issue at a time; and the first thing I notice is that some of these worries are ones I had before breast cancer.  Already, I feel better :) As I look at each problem, I tell myself either I can do something to change or or fix it, or I need to change my perspective and find a way to accept it.  Herein lies the rub! 

 God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.


It doesn't happen overnight, but taking one problem at a time makes it manageable and less overwhelming.  Much of what we worry about and makes us crazy can be put on the back burner until we're ready to deal with it. 


[font="arial, helvetica, 'bitstream vera sans', clean, sans-serif"]

[font="arial, helvetica, 'bitstream vera sans', clean, sans-serif"]Hug
[font="arial, helvetica, 'bitstream vera sans', clean, sans-serif"]Elaine
[font="arial, helvetica, 'bitstream vera sans', clean, sans-serif"]

 A person's greatness is the power to stand alone;to be able to make her own choice; in action,to write anew her own law; to choose her own sacrifices; run her own dangers; win her own freedom; venture her own destruction; to choose her own happiness 
 





ElaineQW

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 7:56 AM
P.S.  My reply is missing the last sentence.....

I'm passing my magic wand over you - POUF!  You are amazing, courageous, and beautiful women!!!

Hug
Elaine
 A person's greatness is the power to stand alone;to be able to make her own choice; in action,to write anew her own law; to choose her own sacrifices; run her own dangers; win her own freedom; venture her own destruction; to choose her own happiness 
 





scootersmom

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 10:49 AM
Thank you Elaine. That magic wand is really getting a workout lately.
Tina    
dx 2/1/11 DCIS
Lumpectomy 2/27 results DCIS/LCIS Stage 0 ER+ PR+
Bi-lateral Mastectomy 4/26 with expanders 
6/3 Surgery to remove contaminated expander due to infection.
7/22/11 Surgery to reinsert the expander. 
10/11/2011 Surgery to replace tissue expanders with implants.
 
 



Rena

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 11:05 AM
Thanks, Rose. 

From the vantage point of 25 years, I can say honestly that a lot of this has gotten easier simply with the passage of time. But I'd be lying if I said that cancer hasn't changed me forever. Having no breast sensation is a real biggie, and once it's gone, it's gone. That has changed me forever. I no longer worry about recurrence, even though it's been known to happen 30 years later. I know that I'm never completely safe from it, but I don't think about it. I do, however, think about other cancers from time to time. Having the BRCA2 mutation concerns me. I've done what I can by getting rid of my ovaries. 

I have always tried to give hope to others because of my pretty dire diagnosis and my longevity, and I've always been sincere in what I've said. I mean, I don't just play rah rah cheerleader. I do believe that there is hope for anyone who is diagnosed. But what I don't usually share is how I feel about the way cancer has changed me for the worse. Has it changed me for the better? Absolutely. I am a much more open, courageous human being than I used to be. I guess I was always on the feisty side, but now I just refuse to take crap from anyone. It can make me kind of bristly as times, but I still like that about myself. 

I grew up in a very pessimistic household with pessimistic parents. I was told to never be the center of attention, to essentially blend into the scenery and not to draw attention to myself. This has been a difficult legacy to overcome, and in some ways I never will. I still am a relatively quiet person. I would rather stay home alone than go to a party. That's just who I am. But cancer has brought me out of myself in a way that I would never have expected. I've been on local television to talk about it. I don't shy away from talking to people about my experience. I draw attention to myself if I think that it will help me help someone. Kind of funny when you think about it. It took this toxic disease to help me overcome some of the toxicity of my family. 

I could go on and on, but I'll shut up for now. Thanks, Rose, for giving us this forum. It feels good to unload.
Rena age 66 California Central Coast
29-year survivor
BRCA2-positive
Dx 1986 IDC ER/PR negative 22 positive lymph nodes
CMFVP chemo weekly for one year, 7 weeks radiation
October 2007: New chassis and spark plugs!
Pat Patterson

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 2:02 PM
Thank you, Rena, for sharing that with us.  All of us here are blessed to have the voice of experience and HOPE that you share every day...I can't imagine how much worse this whole thing would have been without your being here.   Elaine, you hit the nail on the head as well, we cannot change events but we CAN change how we perceive and deal with them.  The question is HOW do we do that?  I truly wish you had a magic wand....
DX 5/13/08 Clearwater, FL HER2 +
IDC Stage IIIA changed 12/2/08 to IIB Grade 3
Taxotere, Carbo & Herceptin  6/11/08
Part Mas 11/5/08 SNB neg & addl node neg - CLEAN MARGINS!
Arimidex 11/25/08  35 Rads 12/15/08
rangerros

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Re:And Life Goes ON: Daily Support - Tuesday, March 27, 2012 3:24 PM
Always a good place to come for perspective!
I have been surprised about all the feelings after the initial fight is "over". It's been almost 2 years since my diagnosis, mastectomy and 3 more surgeries for reconstruction! (Last surgery just a month ago) So much support from so many people at the beginning, very grateful for that. It's those lingering feelings that I cannot explain to anyone that I find it harder to deal with because I don't know how to fight them! Diabetes - lost 50+lb and reversed it. Breast cancer - cut it right out and get a new boob! So what do I do for those lasting feeling so often in my head about that even I don't understand?
Reading the stories and feelings of other survivors helps so much cos I realize that I'm not the only one.
Elaine you put it so well, thanks for the wisdom! I don't post often but read a lot here and it helps.
And I am very grateful for my children and their partners and to be able to work in a job that I really love in a place with lots of sunshine! 
Dx IDC Rt breast July 2010
tumorsX3 stage 2
ER/PR + HER2- 
oncdx 14
Rt mastectomy Aug 2010 
Reconstuction Rt/mastopexy Lt Dec 2010
Revision of reconstruction slipped implant Mar 2011
Another revision swap for a sticky implant Feb 2012  
severe side effects to Arimidex
Tamoxifen started Jan 2011





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