Hi all, just returning after several years away. I have good news in that with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) I am relieved and lucky to be still NED after 6 yrs post treatment. In that time I was here posting about support of loved ones was important and that people finding support where they can in order to survive the ravages of this so called Journey.
I had often said that my husband was my rock that I could lean on him for support. I am just now coming to realize that now that I am coming out of my bunker as it were and coming alive again, I find that my husband refuses to do this and has actually rarely been there for me.(after I went to see a therapist ).
Outwardly he would have this facade of being the supportive hubby, but inwardly he ran from it all. We never really discussed the elephant in the room of IBC, (scares the heck out of me I know it does him), and instead he insulated himself by moving out of our room, listening to music and records and lately, in the last few years increasing his drinking and began to smoke again. What is also alarming me is that he has racked up such a debt with stereophile equipment, he CANNOT afford retire, probably for the near future.
Thru therapy I am coming to grips with the fact that in all my treatment, he came to maybe 2 drs appointments, and only once to have chemo. The rest I did myself, because he couldn't bear to come. I did have my sister and then my mom there initially through A/C, but Taxol I did myself, as well as rads. Surgery he was there but not there if you know what I mean. He is afraid, and so walls himself away from the hurt and fear.
I have been crying my eyes out, at the therapists office, at home (not where he can see) and finally sat him down to talk. (Cried thru that too) but I got my feelings out. My therapist told me that he is insulating himself against the day that I am gone. So I told him that I don't intend to leave the planet anytime soon. That we need to talk and support each other and share the burdens as well as the joys. We will be married 25 yrs today. There is so much more yet to live for. Too much left to do, instead of sitting in a basement, listening to records, drinking beer.
I'm glad I went to therapy, because I was going to explode if I didn't. Our kids are grown, and I was looking forward to having this wonderful time again with my best friend...except while I was otherwise occupied with cancer and then diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, he turned into this hermit. I'm hoping to work this through because I'm in this for better or worse. But its already wearing me down!
Just thought I'd put it out there again that therapy helps you see things from a new perspective, and helps you to change the broken records playing in your heads. It helps you see and hopefully deal with the realities of your situation and rediscover you are still you! Hugs! Glad to be back here!
<message edited by Ruthie1956 on Tuesday, March 26, 2013 12:57 PM>
Diag. 7/06 2 lumpectomies, no clear margins
Inflammatory BC, DCIS and IDC
Chemo Aug 06-Dec 06
bilat mast 1/07
Tried all AIs (ER/PR +, Her2 -)
NED thus far, have RA now
Cancer is like quicksand, the more you struggle alone, the deeper you sink; but if you relax, spread yourself out and reach for help you are rescued! (rufus mcaine)